an extract from Ngak’chang Rinpoche’s book ‘Goodbye for Ever - the Memoirs of an English Lama

Kyabjé Düd’jom Rinpoche began:

“gÇèrdröl, shardröl, and rangdröl. These are methods within the drol-lug-zhi: the four modes of liberation.
First mode is gÇèrdröl. This meaning liberation through naked awareness.”

“Second mode is shardröl. This meaning liberation on arising.
Third mode is rangdröl. This meaning ‘of-itself’ liberated.
These three are ways of bring yédröl into the dimension of practise. Yédröl meaning primordial liberation.
gÇèrdröl, is liberation through recognising namtogs.” pause “You know ‘namtog
‘meaning?”

“Yes, Rinpoche – it means ‘that which arises in mind’ – and that can either be thought or image or whatever moves in mind.”

“Yah—good—then next we look at the function.
gÇèrdröl is like meeting a person whom you have met before. You know this person and so you have no question. You do not ask who this person is.”

Düd’jom Rinpoche went on to explain that Shardröl is where thoughts liberate themselves after they are arising.
There was a way of explaining this through the coiling and uncoiling of a snake. Shardröl is where a snake uncoils itself from its coils.

“Snake is knot appearance having – but then . . . knot is gone.
Knot is made from snake – but knot is not part of snake.
Where knot gone?
Knot never existing.
Now meditation.”

We sat for a few minutes and then Kyabjé Düd’jom Rinpoche recommenced

“Next, rangdröl. This meaning self-liberation.
Namtogs arising and with arising: immediate spontaneous liberation.
Nothing happening needed.
No detriment and no advantage in arising and self-liberating namtogs.
These first three modes of liberation are practice of liberating namtogs.
But then yédröl—primordial liberation—this is unborn nature of rigpa.
This has never being anything different – only liberated-from-beginninglessness.”

Düd’jom Rinpoche paused whilst I caught up with my notes.

“Now further looking.
gÇèrdröl is insignificant perceptual activity. Attention turning to whatever namthogs arising – and immediately there is recognition of namthog. This is like seeing a stranger in the bazar — suddenly you recognise stranger as old friend.
Maybe for Chögyam . . . ” Rinpoche laughed
“ . . . old girlfriend!”
With this mention of ‘girlfriends’ I was presented with another occasion where Düd’jom Rinpoche knew far more about me than he could have known by any normal means.

“So . . . ” Rinpoche continued “ . . . although this is inevitable in your practice becoming – there is a small gap.”

Here Rinpoche showed how his thumb and index finger could be so close that they appeared to be touching
“Between namthog arising and becoming aware of the presence of namthog.” pause
“Finally the recognition of the namthog.
Then the namthog is dissolving. At this time—and maybe, for some months or maybe years—this will define your practice.
But after this practice will become an obstacle if you do not move into the mode of shardröl.”
pause
“Then there is shardröl.
With Shardröl, namtog liberates as soon as arising.
This like drawing pictures on lake surface.
Drawing dissolves into clarity of surface of the lake – as soon as drawing is made.
Drawing and dissolution simultaneous.
So arising, this is called shar-wa. Then liberating, this dröl-wa. Shar-wa and dröl-wa simultaneous.
No gap.
No discontinuity between self-arising and self-liberation of namtogs.
So, manner is different from gÇèrdröl: liberation through naked awareness - and shardröl: liberation immediately on arising.”
pause
“In gÇèrdröl there is minute appearance of disunion between the arising and liberation – but with shardröl, there is no sense of suppression of namtogs.
Effort is not invested in anything. Liberation is a spontaneous effortless reflex. This is tsol’mèd.”

With the practice of gÇèrdröl, there is the minute effort in terms of maintaining naked awareness – but with Shardröl, no effort exists.
Whatever namtogs arise, they immediately move—according to their own energy—into the natural state.
This occurs because this is the nature of namtogs.
So the arising namtogs are pure in themselves due to their own potentiality which is none other than the energy of Chö-kul.
Namtogs come into being effortlessly and liberation occurs effortlessly through the natural momentum of their arising.
So this is the snake unknotting. When a namthog—or strongly charged thought arises—such as obsession or anger—then the awareness which manifests in the moment of liberation will be extremely strong and clear.
In this way obsession becomes a friend of rigpa, instead of an adversary or obstacle. In this way, conceptualisation becomes a manifestation of the inherent energy of rigpa.
So, in this way, you continue in the state without accepting or rejecting.

At this point Kyabjé Düd’jom Rinpoche looked at me intently – and asked
“You are everything clearly understanding?”

“I understand as you speak Rinpoche - and I hope that what I understand will not slip away.”

Düd’jom Rinpoche nodded and continued
“So . . . then . . . although you continue to hold to this recognition of Chö-ku – it is still as if duality and nonduality were separate. This is called Drölcha’i Chö-ku ngö-zung – which means that there still exists some subtle duality. This is because practice and everyday life are not seamless.”
pause
“Then third stage.
This is called rangdröl.
This means that distinction between arising and liberating is gone.
This is like journey in which destination the same as point of departure.
You are boarding a bus that takes immediately you to where you are. So, when namtogs arising: instantaneously self-liberating.
Not leave state of the nonduality. Their arising is their liberation. Division no longer existing. Liberation is instantaneous spontaneous effortlessness.
This is rangdröl.
Namtogs liberate as they arise. Their very arising is nature of their liberation.”

Düd’jom Rinpoche paused for a moment gazing into space. Then he said “Now we sit.”

After some time had elapsed Düd’jom Rinpoche said “To recognise face of nondual awareness . . . Although one experiences it, one cannot describe it.
I think you understanding that it would be like a mute person trying to describe dreams.
It is impossible to distinguish between oneself resting in nondual awareness and the nondual awareness one is experiencing. When one rests naturally—nakedly—in the boundless state of nondual awareness, the urgency of injudicious hyperactive conceptuality, memories, and troublesome plans – evaporates and disappears in the spacious sky of awareness. Referentiality collapses and vanishes into nondual awareness.”

Düd’jom Rinpoche told me that I should write these words down in my note book and read them back to him. He asked me to write them in the English that I would use and that Tséring would then translate it back into Tibetan for him. At the end – Düd’jom Rinpoche seemed pleased and said
“Always these words close in heart keeping – then never dispirited becoming.”

Then we sat in silence again. I do not know how long we sat – but our meetings were often concluded in this way.

After a month—which was the extent of my Nepalese visa—I had to return to McLeod Ganj. The conclusion of my sojourn in Bodha with Kyabjé Düd’jom Rinpoche was drawing closer.

One thing only troubled me during this time. I had begun to have serious doubts about Art School. I found that I had lost enthusiasm for the idea of an Art degree – especially as it would take three years. It seemed that what I really should do was simply work every Summer and return to Nepal for the rest of the year in order to continue my studies and retreat commitments. I put this problem to Düd’jom Rinpoche and he replied
“You must to Art School going. To Nepal coming is good but first examinations and qualifications obtaining.”

He had explained this before – but this time he gave greater emphasis to my not giving up Art School. He said that I would have a longer time of living in the West ahead of me – and that living in the East was not easy. It was by no means certain that British citizens would always be allowed to come to India without visas – and stay as long as they wished. It would not always be so cheap to live in India and Nepal – and I had my old age to consider. Life was not easy in the West if one did not have qualifications – and one day I would be too old for hard manual labour.

I was not expecting this advice and was somewhat taken aback by it – however Düd’jom Rinpoche’s advice made complete sense. He appreciated my fervour in wishing to abandon all my previous life-plans and dedicate myself to Vajrayana – but my work in the future would be to transmit Vajrayana to the West. I would therefore have to know the West well and to make a life in the West. There were those who found ways of living in the East for decades – but this, her explained, was not for me. My job was to understand what was needed in the West and to be able to speak to Western people. It seemed to be taken for granted—as far as Düd’jom Rinpoche was concerned—that I would eventually teach my own students. I found that idea as remote as realisation or discovering I could fly – but Düd’jom Rinpoche was in earnest about my future. What was more – I was to establish the gö kar chang lo’i dé in the West. That would be my life’s work. I had come to the East to find the gö kar chang lo’i dé – and I was to return in order to establish it in the West. Staying in the East therefore, was not an option.

I imagine that many people would not find it easy to have their lives laid out for them. I am actually a person who, in all other circumstances, would never comply or bow to authority. I certainly didn’t comply with my father’s efforts to steer me in my life – but when it came to Düd’jom Rinpoche, I simply accepted his direction without the slightest demur.